The Ackerman Obstacle
by Dragonoiya
Summary: Levi is a pervert, Mikasa is overprotective and Eren is just plain naive. So when Levi makes his move on the cute Jaeger, shit decides to hit the fan. Levi x FemEren x MaleMikasa.


The Ackerman Obstacle

Mikasa was grateful that Corporal Levi had vouched for Eren and taken her under his wing when everyone else wanted her head on a platter, but he crosses the line when he strains how watchful his gaze on the young girl is. The Corporal just couldn't keep his eyes from wandering over to the Jaeger and undressing her with his eyes.

Eren was just too cute for her own good. Her brown shoulder-length hair was tamed by the top half tied back and the bottom strands of hair left to spread across her shoulders. Her bangs came to level with her eye ducts and were parted in the middle to allow light in her big green eyes. Eren had a petite and slight hourglass figure. She had a fairly long, yet round face shape and her skin was slightly tanner than everyone else.

Mikasa secretly admitted that he had less than innocent thoughts about his surrogate sister, but even he had more restraint than Levi. When Levi had stated that Eren should never leave his sight, she didn't think he meant that literally. Too bad he did. Eren didn't mind her captain keeping himself physically close to her while eating and training and when Hanji chased her for crazy experiments (Levi chased the four-eyed psycho away so that was a plus). But, as gullible as she was, Eren did get slightly uncomfortable whenever Levi insisted on sleeping on the same bed as her (the nights were always awkward) and whenever he followed her to the toilet (thank the heavens her captain waited for her outside the door).

Eating lunch one afternoon, Levi decided to humor himself by hitting on Eren without her or her impassive brother with fewer emotions than a rock knowing. The best way of doing that was speaking in another language.

Eren was snacking on a banana while Mikasa and Levi gazed at her. Suddenly, Levi addressed the Jaeger.

"Oi, brat."

"Yeah?" the young titan-shifter replied, knowing her captain was addressing her with her mouth half-filled with banana goodness.

"I was just thinking, **what it would look like if something else was stuffed down your throat and not that banana."**

"Huh?" Eren tilted her head innocently, not understanding Levi's French. However Hanji, eating her own banana at the same table, choked and spat out the half-chewed yellow fruit. Levi looked at her with disgust as she coughed and hacked. Mikasa narrowed his eyes at the Corporal in suspicion; he didn't know what Levi had just said but, apparently, Hanji did. And whatever Hanji understood, it seemed like it wasn't good. Eren shrugged off her captain and continued eating.

"Hey, Eren."

"Yes, Captain Levi?"

"This time I was thinking about how we should try** a good position when we take things to the bedroom. What do you think of the doggy style?"**

All that Eren understood was that her captain had asked a question. Thinking it must be a titan-slaying method, she smiled politely.

"I think it's great, Captain. _Very_ effective." She said, pretending to understand what Levi was saying. Hanji spluttered and Levi smirked while Mikasa scowled, feeling slightly left out.

"Oh really?" Levi asked, his smirk infuriating Mikasa more with each second he kept it on. "Then how about we start now?"

Eren's eyes lit up at the assumed fact that her captain was going to teach her a new titan-slaying technique.

"ACTUALLY!" Hanji cut in, sprawling herself across the table between Levi and Eren. "Eren and I have some, err… tests to run." The Jaeger paled at this. "So c'mon, Eren!" Hanji gestured for the smaller girl to follow, and Eren did so without complaint. This time, it was Levi's turn to scowl and Mikasa's to smirk.

That evening, during dinner, Levi's team sat with Eren and company. Eren was recounting the details of the time Wall Maria was breached by the titans, with Mikasa providing extra details wherever he could. Levi watched as Eren got passionate about the experience and decided that her hand gestures and tone made her seem very un-lady-like, it _almost_ made him want to throw the loaf of bread in his hand at her pretty face. At least she wasn't being loud or swearing; that would be _very_ un-womanly.

"I'M GOING TO KILL ALL THE FUCKING TITANS!" Eren suddenly yelled, standing up and slamming her palms down on the able, making everyone jump at her sudden declaration. Her face was then smacked by a loaf of bread.

…

Levi, getting more daring everyday he set his eyes on the Jaeger girl, had planned out the perfect way of seducing his future bride. It was time for Mission: Get the Jaeger Drunk. Eren was fifteen, so Levi knew she had low tolerance for alcohol. Once the young female titan-shifter was inebriated, the Scouting Legion's Corporal would make his move on her and she wouldn't remember a thing the next morning!

The plan was going perfectly; Levi had offered a spiked glass of 'juice' to Eren, who gratefully and enthusiastically accepted, and she poised to drink it all. Then Mikasa came in, grabbed the glass from Eren's little hands and downed the whole thing in one go.

"Wha-? Hey, Mikasa!" Eren cried out in surprise.

"Sorry, Eren, I was just really thirsty. This was the first liquid I came into contact with." Mikasa lied.

"Well, that's okay. But you should ask first next time!" the green-eyed girl huffed, crossing her arms.

"Will do." Levi glared at the Ackerman that _dared_ to get in the way of what he wanted. Mikasa smirked at him in reply, showing his impressive tolerance for alcohol despite the fact that he had never drunk it before.

"Do you want another drink, brat?" Levi asked in hopes that his self-appointed mission had not failed.

"No thanks, I'm not really thirsty, thank you Captain." Eren replied.

Well then, Mission: Get the Jaeger Drunk has officially failed. Levi thought depressingly.

…

Mikasa needed help. He needed to protect poor naïve Eren from the lecherous claws of their seductive captain, but only someone with the same protective instincts as his could help him.

Armin? No, he was too soft-hearted. Reiner? No, just no. Bertholdt? He's likely the last person Mikasa could count on to go against their captain. Jean? He hates Eren's guts! Mikasa could've sworn he's gay, if his complimenting the Ackerman's hair and aggressive attitude towards Eren was anything to go by. Annie? She's with the Military Police, and she'd be the last person to help out the Jaeger. Sasha? Well, beggars can't be choosers. Sasha was practically Mikasa's slave dog.

When a slab of meat had suddenly found its way on top of Levi's head one morning, two thoughts crossed his mind. One was the urge to throw down the piece of greasy meat and jump in the river with a bar of soap and shampoo. His second thought was that something bad was about to come out of this.

"MEAT!" Sasha jumped onto the smaller man, his head getting bitten as Sasha tried to bite down on the wonderful meat that Mikasa oh-so-generously had thrown for her to fetch. Levi couldn't help it. Throwing the Braus off him, meat and saliva and all, he ran towards the nearest bathroom like flying titan-monkey-spider hybrids were chasing after him. Mikasa smirked his victory smirk, contented that he made the Corporal miserable.

What slipped Mikasa's mind was that Eren was taking a shower at this very moment and Levi, taking advantage of his unexpected situation, came up with a very deviating last-minute plan. Only ten minutes later when the entire castle was filled with the screams of one Eren Jaeger.

When Mikasa ran to investigate, he faced a depressed and traumatized Jaeger on all four limbs with only a towel on her wet form. Levi came out of the bathroom Eren was in just a few seconds ago wearing only a towel and a victory sneer. Mikasa's eyes turned dangerous, and the only thing that kept him from lashing out at his Corporal was that Hanji, Sasha and Armin all together had to restrain him by the arms and legs.

"What happened here?" Erwin demanded.

"Nothing much, it's just that the shitty brat needs to clean herself more properly, being a girl and all." Levi said, unable to keep the smirk off his face.

Erwin cleared his throat, catching on that this was just another one of Levi's attempts to jump the Jaeger.

"Well, keep it down next time." He scolded. Erwin then turned away and stalked off to do his own thing, while Mikasa comforted a mortified Eren who kept on mumbling about seeing things that cannot be unseen.

…

"Oi, brat." Levi grit his teeth as his face neared the other's, this time addressing the Ackerman.

"Yes, _Captain_?" Mikasa answered, his face just as competitive and aggressive as his adversary.

"I'll get straight to the point. I don't like you and you don't like me. Eren is the object of our goal, so this is a win-or-lose situation. Winner takes all and the loser isn't allowed to interfere. If Eren chooses one of us, then the other won't intercede with her choice."

Mikasa narrowed his eyes at the shorter man. "So, in the end, Eren chooses." He smirked. "If that's the case, then this battle is as good as won for me."

Lightning crackled between the two pairs of glaring eyes. "We'll see." Levi retorted.

As Eren sat down at the dinner table with a bowl of broth and a loaf of bread, Mikasa pushed her tray away and set down a plate of cooked ham. Eren's eyes widened at this.

"Mikasa, where did you-?" she started. Mikasa cut her off by bringing a finger to his lips.

"That's a secret." He whispered. Having a little food thief as your slave dog sure did have its perks. Almost immediately, the ham was pushed away and replaced with a delectable roasted steak with fried potatoes and a glass of 'grape juice', courtesy of Levi.

"Ham? That's it? Brat, you're a girl, so you better start eating like one." Levi spoke, the words sliding off his tongue with practiced ease.

"But…" Eren tried to retort about the invalidity of his statement but failed when she felt that she was in the pressure point between two rivals' glares.

"Well?" Levi asked expectantly. "Aren't you going to eat?" The pressure of both males' gazes weighed the Jaeger down and she complied to eat.

As the titan-shifter felt hungry, she ravaged her meal, temporarily forgetting about the two men beside her. Mikasa and Levi watched with intent as the Jaeger's face was dirtied with the oil of the meal. Eren didn't touch the 'juice', for which Mikasa was grateful for. Levi's eye twitched as he watched Eren's cute face stained by the oil and grease. As soon as the last morsel of food was popped into her mouth, Levi's handkerchief had already started assaulting her face. Mikasa, not wanting to be outdone by his captain, grabbed a tissue and joined the Corporal in wiping clean the Jaeger's face.

Eren, getting irritated by the two males roughly fawning over her, stood up and backed away quickly.

"I have no idea what the hell has gotten into you two, but this is too much!" Eren yelled, gaining the attention of everyone else in the room.

"Oi, shitty brat, what's with the racket?" Auruo scowled, putting on his most Levi-like façade. Eren stiffened, realizing that she had brought attention to the three of them. Everyone's eyes averted to the Ackerman and the Corporal glaring as their foreheads touched. Erwin sighed, rubbing his temples and Hanji giggled, intrigued by all this drama.

"It's nothing…" Eren sighed.

…

**AN**

**I intended to make this a one-shot, but now I think it's about to turn into a two-shot. I dunno. I hope you liked this (even though it's so horribly written out, yick! :P ). **

**Dragonoiya**


End file.
